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Teh Best Mock Everz



Ever wonder what your team might end up with if Roger Goodell just picked the top 32 prospects outta a hat? I used my big board and my baseball cap to find out. Alot of 'em made sense when you actually look at it, and of course there are some ridiculous ones too:

Star-divide

  1. St. Louis (1-15) Brandon Graham, DE/OLB - Brandon Graham and Chris Long will make a solid tandem that'll strike fear in opposing offensive tackles. Quarterbacks are overrated anyway.
  2. Detroit (2-14) Trent Williams, OT - Makes some sense for Detroit to protect Stafford. Trent Williams had a sick combine anyway, so he'll shoot up Detroit's draft board.
  3. Tampa Bay (3-13) Dez Bryant, WR - The Antonio Bryant contract didn't work, so WR is a big need. Last I checked, Tampa Bay has a sick defense anyway, so this pick makes perfect sense.
  4. Washington (4-12)Russell Okung, OT - Wow. Can anyone actually imagine the Redskins making this pick? Everyone knows their biggest need is at DT.
  5. Kansas City (4-12)Rolando McClain, ILB - Another headscratcher of a pick, since the Chiefs' LBs overperformed.
  6. Seattle (5-11)Derrick Morgan, DE - Seattle would've probably been better off drafting Golden Tate. Him and Brandon Marshall would've been sickkk
  7. Cleveland (5-11)Gerald McCoy, DT- Should've picked up Jimmy Clausen. You can't have enough Notre Dame QBs.
  8. Oakland (5-11)Eric Berry, FS - The only way this pick happens is if Al Davis croaks.
  9. Buffalo (6-10)- Earl Thomas, FS - Jairus Byrd is a huge bust, so this pick is his replacement.
  10. Jacksonville (7-9)Bryan Bulaga, OT- In keeping with the tradition of picking offensive tackles, Bulaga joins Eugene Monroe and Eben Britton
  11. Denver - from Chicago (7-9)Kyle Wilson, CB - Josh McDaniels takes a leaf outta Al Davis' notebook, Joe Haden was too slow at the combine to be the pick here.
  12. Miami (7-9)- Brian Price, DT - The first key in Miami's recently announced transition to the 4-3
  13. San Francisco (8-8)Ndamakong Suh, DT - Makes no sense, as Suh is a projected 5th rounder.
  14. Seattle - from Denver (8-8)Anthony Davis, OT - Need to protect their franchise QB Matt Hasselbeck
  15. New York Giants (8-8)C.J Spiller, RB - GM Jerry Reese has definitely lost it. First he overpays for a Pro Bowl Safety that clearly wasn't a need in a thin free agency market, and now he adds to an already stacked position starring Brandon Jacobs, who put up hall of fame type numbers last season.
  16. Tennessee (8-8)- Jerry Hughes, DE/OLB - Tennesee could be more helped by drafting Jahvid Best or Ryan Matthews to replace the underachieving Chris Johnson.
  17. San Francisco - from Carolina (8-8) Bruce Campbell, OT - Obviously picked to help David Carr sleep at night.
  18. Pittsburgh (9-7)Sam Bradford, QB - They need to protect themselves because of Roethlisberger's recent sex capers.
  19. Atlanta (9-7)Jermaine Gresham, TE - Tony Gonzalez doesn't have any gas left.
  20. Houston (9-7)Jason Pierre-Paul, DE - Mario Williams and JPP? Siccccccckkkkk.
  21. Cincinnati* (10-6) Jared Odrick, DT- I personally think Tebow should've been the pick here. He could establish weekly confessionals for the Bengals high character team
  22. New England* (10-6) Dan Williams, NT - They should cut Vince Wilfork, DUH.
  23. Green Bay* (11-5)Sean Weatherspoon, LB - They already have Clay Matthews. Isn't that enough?
  24. Philadelphia* (11-5)Golden Tate, WR - Jeremy Maclin wasn't cutting it, and neither was Desean. WR's a major need for the run-happy Eagles
  25. Baltimore* (9-7)Everson Griffen, DE - Poor Baltimore, they JUST missed out on the Golden Tate sweepstakes.
  26. Arizona* (10-6)Mike Iupati, OG/OT- Decent pick, but answer this. Who's going to pick up Anquan Boldin's slack?
  27. Dallas* (11-5)Maurkice Pouncey, OG/OC - Huh? The Cowboys once again prove why they belong in the NFC East cellar.
  28. San Diego* (13-3)Carlos Dunlap, DE - A high motor guy with a great work ethic that San Diego fell in love with.
  29. New York Jets* (9-7) Joe Haden, CB- They're reaching a bit here, but should shore up an otherwise weak secondary.
  30. Minnesota* (12-4)Charles Brown, OT- Why? Their D-line is god awful, so you'd think Greg Hardy or Lamarr Houston'd be the pick here.
  31. Indianapolis* (14-2)Jimmy Clausen, QB - Did you see that interception late in the Super Bowl? Peyton Manning lost the Colts the game. He's washed up and his SNL skits aren't even that funny. The Colts find their new signal caller here.
  32. New Orleans* (13-3) Taylor Mays, FS - Fabulous pick. Has all the great ball hawking and coverage skills you'd look for in a safety. Reminds me of the recently departed Darren Sharper.

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ACK!

3 new 2010 starting LBers via 2010 draft
Confidence breeds success, self-doubt breeds failure

by Blaze453 on Mar 8, 2010 10:20 PM EST reply actions  

I laughed.

Obviously some picks are absurd, but the fact that so many actually make a lot of sense is funny to me.

by Richard Hill on Mar 8, 2010 10:32 PM EST reply actions  

Not the best speller ever

you say we are in the NFC east cellar yet we are picking at 27. I’m waiting for reality to smack you in the face.

2009 BTB Fantasy Champ... Deal with it

by quincyyyyy on Mar 8, 2010 10:36 PM EST reply actions  

LOL yessir

sorta lame attempt at a todd mcshay/dumb analyst parody so thats where the spelling comes in…and i AM a Giants fan so i’ll take any shots i can get at the boys haha

Jerry Reese = Omar Minaya?

by BigBlueIntervention on Mar 8, 2010 10:51 PM EST up reply actions  

WHOOSH!

Sound of this post going over your head?

by thebyron on Mar 9, 2010 10:55 AM EST up reply actions  

You didn't catch the

sarcasm saturating this entire post? Like the Jets reaching for Joe Haden at 29, and shoring up their weak secondary? No? Nothing?

"Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls. It's more democratic."
- CRASH DAVIS

by nrmax88 on Mar 10, 2010 1:08 AM EST up reply actions  

it took me a little while. at first I thought the person must have been a complete idiot…then by the eagles pick I finally really got it.

by bross09 on Mar 10, 2010 4:41 AM EST up reply actions  

This deserves an epic WTF

The 2010 New York Mets: Maybe it's the Phillies' turn to have 95% of its roster on the DL

The 2009 New England Patriots: At least we got our division title back

The 2009-10 New Jersey Devils: Allergic to second periods

by R_Adragna on Mar 8, 2010 11:24 PM EST reply actions  

Funny stuff

Mondays suck, I needed a laugh. Thanks

by JazzyBBP on Mar 8, 2010 11:36 PM EST reply actions  

Witty. I liked it

Scientific research has proven that you lose exactly 5.37 billion brain cells every time you listen to Todd McShay.

by TheRealSlimShady on Mar 8, 2010 11:48 PM EST reply actions  

1337 draft.

You have to hate losing more than you love winning.

by Mr MaLoR on Mar 9, 2010 12:19 AM EST reply actions  

wow

Co-Leader of yearly 7 round live mock draft at MtD

by TheAngelsColts on Mar 9, 2010 1:17 AM EST up reply actions  

Good effort but the execution was a bit off

"HULU: An evil plot to destroy the world. Enjoy"
Driver of the "Cut Reggie Nelson" Bandwagon.
Winner of the 2010 Chad Pennington Award

by TheTealDeal on Mar 9, 2010 7:11 AM EST reply actions  

Last I checked, Tampa Bay has a sick defense anyway, so this pick makes perfect sense.


When did you last check? 2002? lol

" There is no I in team." Phil Jackson to Michael Jordan
"Yes, but there is in win." Michael Jordan's response

'I have a question." Random Soldier
"Well I have an answer or a damn good lie." SFC Strader

by Talon Talent on Mar 9, 2010 7:22 AM EST reply actions  

No he is right

Our defense is sick – very, very sick. Almost terminal.

by aakks on Mar 10, 2010 3:28 PM EST up reply actions  

lol

"I will never have my best season," Brian Dawkins

"All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one." Scarface

by Talon Talent on Mar 16, 2010 7:21 AM EDT up reply actions  

I love the Bills pick, LOL, that Byrd only had 9 interceptions…

I was born in Buffalo, and NO, it's not a suburb of New York City

by Ghetts on Mar 9, 2010 10:43 AM EST reply actions  

Great post.

Loved Pitt and Indy getting QB’s, and the Joe Haden pick was phenomenal.

Also the last time I paid attention to TB they had a sick defense, so I’m with you there.

by Phantaskippy on Mar 9, 2010 11:46 AM EST reply actions  

i stopped once i saw the number 2 pick

"It doesn't matter what you want, it's what the front office wants, so stop complaining and go with the flow"

by Dr.Sunday on Mar 9, 2010 2:28 PM EST reply actions  

The comments here are funny too

Some people read the first two lines. Some people went straight to the picks and got pissed.

Follow me on Twitter

by Adam Stites on Mar 9, 2010 2:30 PM EST reply actions  

very funny…I understand it is extremely sarcastic…

but Brandon Marshall is not yet on the Seahawks (I don’t know if this part is sarcasm though) and last I heard, he might not end up there.

by bross09 on Mar 10, 2010 4:44 AM EST reply actions  

What the hell happened to your hat?

You sorted Suh into House Hufflepuff? Dez Bryant to Ravenclaw?! Carlos Dunlap to Slytherin? Okay, that last one makes sense, but still…

Relive the shocking NOOOOOOOO of April 25 2009 at Witty's Draft Review and laugh laugh laugh...

by witty on Mar 10, 2010 8:33 AM EST reply actions  

House Hufflepuff??

You’re a yucs fan? Hilarious anyone could start name calling at any team, when they are Bucs fans.

Equation= 1,2,2,3,3 is a lot better than 1,1,2,3 in a deep draft, especially when your 1 nets you E berry.

Alex Smith is not a bust, he is a product of poor management and coaching.

by rlott#42 on Mar 15, 2010 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

Poor Baltimore, they JUST missed out on the Golden Tate sweepstakes.

Poor us? Thank you so much for not taking him! VARIETY PEOPLE!

And how the hell does Suh fall to #13???!!!

This is not TeH bestt uber 1337 draft I have seen. But still pretty 1337

You have to hate losing more than you love winning.

by Mr MaLoR on Mar 10, 2010 8:59 AM EST reply actions  

Malor it was all sarcasm and he randomly picked the names out of a hat.

it was just for fun and what not

"I will never have my best season," Brian Dawkins

"All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one." Scarface

by Talon Talent on Mar 10, 2010 9:30 AM EST up reply actions  

I’m aware of this. My comment was sarcasm as well.

You have to hate losing more than you love winning.

by Mr MaLoR on Mar 10, 2010 9:32 AM EST up reply actions  

Ha! you had me going when you said Miami was switching to a 4-3

I was thinking “when did that happen?” Bravo good sir.

2009 NY Phin PhansFantasy League Champion
2009 Best Regular Season Record in NYPPL.
2010 The Jim Mandich NewsFlash Award Winner.

by Patssuck456 on Mar 11, 2010 11:23 PM EST reply actions  

That is great!

That was a great laugh! Thanks, BBI!

by Starkey on Mar 12, 2010 5:22 PM EST reply actions  

Not bad for the Chiefs pick

I am sure he is high on Pioli’s board because we have signed a bunch of O/D lineman. I would take him after Berry is gone.

by denverdude_80 on Mar 14, 2010 6:49 PM EDT reply actions  

maybe

What would be ironic is if that is actually a list of the best players available, in order.

by medicineball on Mar 14, 2010 9:28 PM EDT reply actions  


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